Learning to Wait

So once I found out I had cancer I had to figure out the next steps. Because of my insurance, I was forced to  have my surgery at UCSF. I really think G-d led me to this world class facility.  All the surgeons I would have used in Oakland did not accept my particular Anthem plan. I mentioned that my insurance situation is a saga.  Actually that is a huge understatement but I don't want to go there yet. I didn't have to second guess myself because I was at one of the best facilities in the country.

Everything I subsequently heard about UCSF is that it has state of the art treatment for breast cancer. All of my physicians are researchers and teachers in the school of medicine as well.  The breast cancer center is on Divisadero in San Francisco at the site of the old Mt. Zion. Ironically that is where I was born.

The first hurdle I faced was getting an appointment with the surgeon and though I pushed and tried every connection I knew, badgered the nurses,  I still had to wait several weeks.

I'm not good at waiting. I wanted the cancer out of me as fast as possible and get on with my life. I have found one lesson that I'm learning is that much of what is happening to me is out of my control.

We had a trip planned to Paris and Israel leaving in early September. We thought that we could still go on the trip with a month recovery after surgery. We were going to stop in Paris for five days then spend Rosh Hashanah with our kids in Israel. We also planned the trip so we could attend the wedding of the son of dear friends near Tel Aviv.

I had arranged a tour for us to visit the battlefields of Normandy. We had not been to Paris for many years and were looking forward to seeing the sites there.

In the middle of this Laurie had our beautiful grandson and I planned the Brit which we had at my house. I was on a roller coaster of emotions, the great joy of seeing our precious blond-haired bundle and the uncertainty I was facing with my diagnosis.

Driving over to the city for my first appointment to see the surgeon with Jeff, we passed the palm trees lining the Bay Bridge, looking out at the Bay. The sky was blue, it was a beautiful day. There were whitecaps on a blue-green ocean.  I couldn't help wondering, how is this happening to me. How can I be so healthy and have breast cancer?

When we found the second floor breast cancer department, I looked around at the women. Some were bald, others had hair. I couldn't  identify with them. I felt healthy.

 I signed in at the desk then was quickly called to meet with a nurse who took my vital signs, then was taken to meet with a nurse practitioner before meeting with the surgeon.

The nurse practitioner  was lovely, pregnant herself and we chatted about my new grandsons. I told her two of my daughters had just had their first children. She asked me where they delivered and kept the conversation light. Jeff was in the room, silent, nervous not wanting to sit.

When the cancer surgeon entered the small office, he was young, friendly and reassuring. He thought that my treatment would be a lumpectomy then radiation. Jeff and I  felt OK with the diagnosis and tentative treatment plan. It was what we expected.

My surgery would also involve some immediate reconstruction and he had us meet with the plastic surgeon.The plastic surgeon was the head of the department also friendly and matter of fact.

Waiting again. I had to wait to schedule the surgery and was on a waiting list.I was very relieved when I finally got a surgery date and received instructions about when to come to the hospital and what I needed to do.

My surgery itself went very well and I have had a quick recovery.I found the staff to be kind and caring down to the technician who brought me a warm blanket when I was waiting for a procedure prior to the surgery.

 Because UCSF is a teaching hospital, one meets many young doctors who are learning the ropes.One of the doctors working with my surgeon was a young African man with a wonderful smile. I concluded that he must must be really outstanding to have landed as a surgical resident at UCSF.

Besides the lumpectomy, it is standard procedure to test the lymph nodes. This is done by injecting a substance than tracking it during the surgery.

Our next appointment was one week post surgery to get the results , whether the lumpectomy was sufficient and to hear about the lymph node biopsy. So we waited again and those were tough days We hugged and cried and woke up in the middle of the night.  Jeff and I were to have our 43rd anniversary the day after my appointment.