When I Grow Up

When you have cancer you do think about time, longevity and the quality of life. Two of the most remarkable women I know are in their nineties.

 I recently said to my sister's mother in law, Marian, who just turned ninety three, that I wanted to be like her when I grow up. She is an amazing woman. During her working years, she was an Egyptologist teaching at San Francisco State. She led numerous tour groups to visit the pyramids. Marian has many interests. She is an avid Giants and 49'er's fan and never misses the opera, ballet or symphony. She continues to take classes  at the Fromm Institute and is about to leave for a trip to China with one of her sons. If you want to reach her, you better call really early in the morning because she might very well be out.

Every summer she hosts a full house of family and guests at the family home on idyllic private lake in  Stratford, Connecticut. Jeff and I were part of the gang there one summer.

What I most admire about her is her spirit and attitude. Having lost her dear son, Peter, my sister's husband,  this year from a difficult illness, she doesn't wallow or feel sorry for herself. The other day she said to me, "you have to look forward, not back." Over the years we have enjoyed many wonderful meals and family celebrations in her Twin Peaks home taking in  breathtaking views of San Francisco. "Mimi" as she is known to her flock of grandchildren and great grandchildren is one of my role models.

Another nonagenarian whom I admire is in many ways is completely different from Marian,. She is my mother's cousin Trude who turned ninety this past August. She is a force of nature though she is barely five feet tall. Trude is the one remaining cousin of my mother's family, the last link to my mom in many ways.

Trude has an amazing spirit like Marian. Her nickname is "Butterfly" and she lives up to the name flitting about, spreading her little bits of family news as she stays in touch and shares her affection with her extended family. She loves hearing about my grandchildren and adores when the Israeli crew came to visit her in San Francisco.

Trude was born in Fronhausen, a small town in Central Germany, near my mother's home town. Her story of survival in  brutal ghettos and concentration camps as a young girl, later being reunited with her beloved sister Jenni is a book of its own. Her dear mother and two older brothers did not survive.

 Trude and her family were beloved in their small town and known for their generosity. On a trip to Germany,  I visited my mother's picturesque village and Trude's  home, spending time with people who remembered her family and heard the stories firsthand.

 In the last twenty years, several determined young Germans, not even alive during the war, have dedicated themselves to establishing an organization to insure that the Jews of this region are not forgotten. Trude is like a celebrity to them. She receives many phone calls, visits,letters and emails. The group they have  established have re-dedicated a synagogue that was destroyed and maintain the Jewish cemetery. They commemorate Krystalnacht. They give lectures and hold symposiums. Trude is their beloved poster girl..Sometimes it is too much for her to keep up her relationship with the group because painful memories get rekindled.

So...now about me. Chemo #2 was somewhat easier than #1. Jeff keeps telling me I did much better. I want to believe him and I think he is right.Every day brings new challenges but I know I can get through this.

And I did get my hair buzzed. Yeah, I'm over it already. I shed a few tears but I'm done with that.  I now alternate between two wigs and a lot of head coverings

 My biggest complaint right now is some days I  feel draggy, but when I feel good I try to do things.

I continue to receive surprises, emails and cards. I had a lovely collection of goodies left at my door by an old friend and a whole box of treats which arrived by Priority Mail. Sometimes I feel spoiled by the love and good wishes.

My  former Thursday morning writing group just found out about my situation and have sent me some wonderful and encouraging messages.

Thank you again to family and friends for helping me get through these days. And thank you to Marian and Trude for being my inspiration of how you can live to a good long age and be vital and alive. When I grow up I want to be like you.