Pancakes and Giving Thanks

My oncologist said the next four treatments would not be as rough as the first four. I am almost one week from the last treatment, and I would have to agree with him. Though I have had some hours of total wipe out when I don't want to get out of bed, I am gradually getting my strength and taking advantage of the moments when I feel good. Yesterday I woke up at 4:30AM thinking about pancakes.

That might not seem like a big deal but it is. It signifies I am getting my appetite back and what's more I told Jeff I wanted to go OUT for breakfast. He was so happy that I wanted to leave the house. Can I say again that my husband has been the ultimate trooper through all this ordeal. He encourages me, points out small victories and reminds me how much better I am relative to the last treatment.

We even get in a few laughs now and then. For example, if a side effect is listed and I get it then it is OK because it is something to be expected. This round one of the side effects has been muscle aches. When that started, my body felt like a pin ball machine. I kept getting strange pings in my joints from my ankles to my wrists that lasted a few seconds. But this was on the list...so we didn't freak out. Thankfully a few Advil seems to help this one.I'm also no longer suffering from the canker sore that took more than two weeks to heal. That was difficult.

Yesterday besides having breakfast out, one oatmeal pancake with blueberry sauce at Lu and Lil's,we also walked at Lake Merritt for twenty minutes. It was a gorgeous, crisp fall day, and it was great to be outside. My oncology nurse tells me that walking is crucial for me and sometimes I drag myself out of bed and walk from my kitchen through the living room back and forth and up and down the stairs if I can't get out.

This is Thanksgiving week (and my birthday Wednesday) I always love this time of the year. I think one of the reasons is that for my mom, an immigrant from Hitler's Germany, Thanksgiving was the one holiday that our family totally embraced  as Jewish Americans. My mom decorated the table with little Pilgrim tchotchkes and prepared a sumptuous meal, everything from scratch.When we were young, visiting east coast cousins would join us, especially my cousin Uri who was studying at Cal Tech.

After Jeff and I met, we joined our two families and celebrated together. Our first Thanksgiving together I turned twenty We had just gotten engaged.. One of my favorite photos (though Jeff does not like it) is me with longish blonde hair and him with big black glasses wearing a pink shirt. We were so young, smiling broadly.Where have the years gone?

I love doing the holiday as well researching recipes, decorating with my box of Thanksgiving goodies and enjoying the holiday bustle just like my mom did. This year however I will be grateful just to show up and bring a few side dishes. My wonderful sister has taken over my usual job of preparing the meal but we are all contributing so she does not have to do it all.

I am so appreciative  for the steady stream of calls, cards, emails, goodies, and  support I continue to receive from all of you. I wish everyone a wonderful holiday. Treasure the good times.I realized the other day that this ordeal will make me stronger. I will be a different person and pray to be a better one with a renewed chance to do good.

Alive and Well...sort of

In case you have been wondering if I have been  to Maui watching gold and purple sunsets  and drinking frothy pina coladas with Jeff next to me lazing on recliner you are wrong. I can only wish that some day soon that is where we will be.

For those of you following along my bumpy detour, this segment is difficult  so thanks for hanging in.

My fourth chemo treatment which was two weeks ago coincided with the Giant's trouncing by Kansas City royals. I was trounced too, as I was hit extremely hard by this round. Unfortunately I landed up in the hospital for two day at the end of the week for some hydration but thankfully there was nothing else seriously wrong with me. I went to Summit Hospital in Oakland which has been completely re-done. Everyone gets a private room which is nice. The nurses were kind and competent.

I hope I never have to go back because the hospital is the worst place to rest and feel better. It is kind of a vicious circle. I have to be on an IV for fluids, then have to keep waking up to go to the bathroom and shlep my IV pole into the bathroom with me. Then an hour later my very sweet nurse, Caroline, with a Caribbean lilt to her voice apologetically wakes me up to take my vitals. Then I fall back asleep only to wake up to go to the bathroom again. You get the picture?

One of the worst parts of this round was that my appetite went kaput. I'm slowly getting back to eating. This is not my idea of losing weight believe me.The highlight of my hospital diet was a red popsicle.


This time I did not need blood though at first they put me on an antibiotic for a possible stomach thing which I ended up not having. I was glad to throw away those bitter and difficult to swallow pills.

I  came home on Tuesday very weak and have been trying to re-coup day by day. The other new complication was developing a whopper canker sore on my tongue which unfortunately is a rather typical side effect of chemo.

I have developed a whole litany of ways to alleviate the pain and rinse frequently with warm water and salt and baking soda, sometimes with hydrogen peroxide. I have tried honey, milk of magnesia, and have a special magic thick pink rinse prescribed by the oncologist's office which has some xylocane in it. I was on pain pills for a day which I hate because they mess up my stomach. I have been taking Advil regularly.

In short, you could say I was a mess. Jeff catered to any whim I thought might help including Odwalla Protein drinks which are not bad. We have had to turn down invitations to parties, dinners, baby showers.

My sister who is my steady cheerleader yesterday came armed with two shopping bags full of soft foods; chocolate pudding, sherbet ice cream. rice pudding and jello. I have been living on chicken soup, some I had made, some my sister brought.

This has been a difficult two weeks. It is unbelievable how painful these sores can be.Anyone who has suffered with them will know what I am talking about.

But today I am feeling better and the good news is that my oncologist postponed my next treatment for a week to give me a chance to get my strength back.

Thanks for friends who have brought food, who call to check on me, who send emails and cards. This support sustains me. My long time housekeeper Vilma told me she prayed for me. I was so touched I cried.

I am hoping the next four treatments won't be as rough. That is what I keep hearing. I will cling to that hope but won't believe it until I experience it myself.  My daughter Devora arrives early December for the first time without her kids. I look forward to having her TLC.

So things are looking up again; I will get through this. I will be on that beach in Maui someday soon.