Radiation and some small accomplishments

I have now had several radiation treatments and I am happy to report that everything is going well. The time I spend in the treatment room is very short. Positioning me on the uncomfortable table just takes a couple of minutes. I get maneuvered to a precise angle which is measured in degrees and my arms are placed overhead and put in armrests.  My techs are Diem and Al and so far they have taken me before my scheduled appointment time.

They go out of the room and the machines whir and move for maybe ten minutes.  Music plays in the background, and  I try to sing along in my head to the Mama's and Papa's or Barbra Streisand. I also pray for the success of this last chapter in my battle.

I drove in one day though driving in the city is like maneuvering around an obstacle course! Twice this week I took BART which I don't mind. I get on BART at the Fruitvale station where there is always paid parking available. I get off at the Montgomery St. station then get on the 38L bus to Geary and Divisadero which takes 14 minutes then walk two blocks to the hospital. Riding public transportation is interesting because you get to see the true face of San Francisco. There are many seniors; Asian, Russian and Hispanic. I will try to remember some of the more colorful characters for my creative writing.

On the return downtown I took the 38L and Uber. On one bus ride, the driver complained to me how difficult it is to get down Geary with the delays due to the huge construction project which won't be finished until 2018. He said it will be an underground streetcar going to Chinatown at a cost of a billion dollars.

My Uber driver was a young man who when I told him why I was at Mt. Zion had an interesting conversation with me about his father who had cancer but died of a heart ailment. He told me how his father used to work in the shipyards and got injured on the job.  Everyone has a story to tell.

I now see some familiar faces from chemotherapy waiting for their turns for radiation in the waiting room. We chat in a general way about our hair growing back or other light subjects. No one wants to go in to detail about her particular situation. We all put on a good face and try to be upbeat. Some of us wear colorful kimonos instead of hospital gowns which we received as a gift. Mine is purple and black and quite elegant. They are silky and much more comfortable than the usual gown. The husband of a patient donated them to the hospital for women undergoing radiation.


I am  proud of the fact that I am back to doing more writing. I have been taking my favorite writing workshop on Thursday mornings, Lakeshore Writers, with Teresa Burns Gunther. I was worried that maybe I could not write as I had done previously but I jumped right in. It is wonderful to hear the "voices" of the eight other women in my group with their distinctive styles of writing. We listen to each other and echo back what we like in each other's pieces.

 I also have been participating in a writer's "boot camp" which I had done two other times.  I work with a writer from Los Angeles, Linda Schreyer. who sends out several prompts every other day over twenty days. I select one of the prompts and write 1000 words which I email back to her. I get a critique on the ten pieces I have written in an hour long phone session with her. I was hesitant to sign up for this as well as I thought I would not be able to do it but happily I am back in the saddle cranking out my thousand words every other day. It is great discipline though this round I am doing more creative nonfiction than straight fiction. As one might expect, my current health situation has popped up in several of the pieces.

Another little milestone was my first 2.5 mile walk  to Skyline High from my house which involves a few serious hills. I remembered how even walking a couple of blocks was challenging when I was undergoing chemo.  Jeff and I  went on Saturday morning early. It was a beautiful February day, cool and sunny. Lush spring blooms dotted trees everywhere. I love this season with the pink blossoms and  daffodils and irises poking through the ground. Spring is a time of hope and renewal, and this is how I am feeling as well, looking forward to my return to good health.

The Simulation

I drove myself over to UCSF early Tuesday morning. It was crisp and clear after the rains. New construction dotted the skyline giving my beloved dowager, old San Francisco, a facelift. l sang along to an old Barry Manilow cd which kept me cheered up. This is the beginning of the final phase of my treatment. As I was driving, I had one of  my moments which hits me every so often. Cancer treatment can be overwhelming and I have to remind myself to be strong and that I will get through this last part. Radiation is not supposed to be as difficult as chemotherapy with comparaitively minimal side effects. I will hope for the best.

The purpose of radiation according to the brochure I have read three times is that it kills any remaining cancer cells "by causing the production of "free radicals". This process changes the DNA of cancer cells and prevents them from reproducing. The cancer cells die when they can no longer multiply and the body naturally eliminates them. This is another important step in my treatment plan.

I found a place to park and was early enough to go downstairs to the cafe to get a Peet's mocha. I suppose it is silly to be nervous but that is how I felt. I drank half of my mocha, pitched the rest and headed to the elevator to take me to the radiology department in the basement.

I signed in and worked on a crossword puzzle for ten minutes in the waiting area then was brought in to meet the doctor. She was friendly, we chatted for a few moments then she quickly took me through some important paperwork. I had to sign four different releases regarding my treatment. Then I was taken to a changing room and put on a gown. After a short wait in another waiting area, I was ushered in to a coolish room with a number of imposing machines where I met the technician, Fritz. My doctor brought me a welcome warm blanket.

 The tech's job was to get me precisely positioned then  give me some permanent tiny marks like dots which will aid the technicians so that my radiation is given every time in the precisely correct area. I was placed on my back on a narrow table, knees raised  and arms overhead. I was jostled back and forth  re-positioned and had to lie still which is not easy for me. Eventually the technician made a special pillow to support my neck. It took around forty minutes and was rather uncomfortable but not painful.

The doctor kept coming in and checking on what the technician was doing . A machine swept over me to take measurements. After the technician was done with the measuring and marking I felt several pokes with a needle which left me with several tattoos...just tiny dots (no butterflies darn!). The doctor and technician said I did a "good job" though I am not sure what they really meant.

As I was leaving the room, the technician confirmed for me again what I had previously heard. My radiation oncologist is considered to be one of the five best in the United States and is also known for being extremely kind and having a great bedside manner. Once again our decision to stick with UCSF despite the hassle of having to get to the city seems to be the right one, and I was in the best hands.

The final part of the preparation for the radiation was a cat scan.  I was set up in a different room but  positioned exactly as I had been before. It will be the results of the previous measurements and cat scan which will give my doctor the information about where the radiation needs to be
directed, and she will devise her treatment plan working with a physicist and dosimetrist. Next week I will come back for a test run before the radiation will start. My treatments will be five days a week for five weeks.

I'm feeling well, starting to attend events again and look forward to a visit from my brother and family from Los Angeles this weekend. They have been tremendously supportive to me over these last months and I am really excited to see them My sister-in-law Judy, a surgeon herself, called me  every few days to check on me. She has told me that  my experiences have given  her insights on cancer treatment from a patient's perspective. I'm cooking up a storm as my daughters and their families will be joining us for a huge Shabbat lunch.

I'm still waiting (going on three weeks) for  Covered California to inform Anthem I am a woman, not a man. I have called about this to Covered CA maybe four times and Anthem at least five times. I wish things like this wouldn't get me aggravated but they do. I wish I could say I have changed and little stuff doesn't bother me.  I'm working on it...I have a long way to go.

Paradise Postponed

Wish I could say I have a great tan and we enjoyed our time in Maui drinking mai tais on the beach... but unfortunately we did not go. I had a stubborn upper respiratory virus, and though it was not the full blown flu, it was enough to keep me feeling under the weather the entire week. I am still coughing and blowing my nose constantly. It seems that every other person I talk to is recuperating from some form of a virus or flu and many have worse symptoms.

Jeff and I made the decision early on in the week to not go which was good. My doctor left it up to me, but once I saw that I kept getting a low-grade fever late in the day, I knew that I was not going to be ready to get on a plane last Friday. We cancelled as of Tuesday afternoon and had no regrets especially since I was still not well through the weekend.

We had taken out insurance, and I just filled out all the forms (11 pages!) and hope to get reimbursed for the portion that was taken out as penalties by the airline and hotel.

We are really doing fine and Jeff didn't let me get bummed over this.  Ironically he sensed we were not going to make it on this getaway. As I said before, this is a little setback, and we have been fortunate to have made many trips in our forty three years of marriage so we know that there will be many other vacations to enjoy. Jeff is thinking about a cruise....I'd be happy with a weekend in Calistoga at our favorite Napa Valley resort.

I purposely decided to keep my medical insurance exactly as it had been last year to avoid any glitches, as I had my share of aggravation last year until things were straightened out with Anthem. Whew....I thought everything was going to be easy, that is until I discovered that for some reason Covered California had me down on my application as a man.

I found this out by chance when I saw Anthem had rejected one of my claims because of this discrepancy.  Since I know I have not changed my sex, this was a small clerical error.  However, nothing is small, and it will probably take two weeks to get fixed. A change has to be sent electronically. It would be too easy for someone at Covered California to call Anthem and say there has been an error. It doesn't work that way. I hope when I make it to Medicare at the end of this year, things will be easier and go smoother. I won't be with either Covered California or Anthem.


Next week is my first appointment to get set up for radiation. This will be a totally new experience and I will report on what it is all about. From what I have heard, it involves very precise measuring so that the radiation will be pinpointed.

I still have my moments on the emotional roller coaster because more than anything I want to feel well and strong again. I have to keep in mind that I am still recuperating from the harsh effects of the chemotherapy, and I have to be patient with myself. I'm grateful for all the good days and times...walking around Lake Merritt on a crisp morning, going out for breakfast with Jeff, and enjoying my grandchildren, Elijah Behr and Yeshaya who get cuter by the minute.  I love to hear their antics and progress sitting up and crawling and getting their first teeth.

 Every day I check my hair waiting for it to really start growing...hopefully it will soon. I think it will symbolize me getting back to me....