Me and Joan; Gratitude and Unintended Consequences

I was shocked to see the cover of People magazine  adorned with beautiful Joan Lunden's bald head. She bravely shared her own breast cancer journey which she has just begun. Joan Lunden with her famous presence as a longtime former Good Morning America host has put the subject of breast cancer once again front and center in America's consciousness. I read her article twice and though our experiences are different, there are certain things that we share. We are now in the same sisterhood.

Every visit to the clinic at UCSF I  am overwhelmed at the parade of women of all ages and ethnicities bewildered, clutching loved ones and holding files and papers. Jeff and I  already feel somewhat like seasoned veterans having passed through the initial diagnosis stage. It is difficult to even see them.

The other day I saw a beautiful young women, maybe early forties, Her bald head had henna tatoos. She looked like an exotic warrior until she started to cry and was comforted by a woman who must have been her mother.Even exotic warriors have their bad days.I observed another young woman with hair starting to sprout on her bald head. She was holding a bottle of scotch no doubt meant for her doctor. Ahhh....I mused. I wish was at the point when I could deluge my practitioners with thank you gifts.

This past few days I celebrated Rosh Hashanah with family and friends. I felt good. For one thing I could eat. Eating has never been a problem for me....In fact, just the opposite. I have been fighting my weight forever and am a world class nosher so it is a new experience to not be able to eat because of having no appetite or feeling lousy. Chemo has the ability to mess up your appetite in many ways through nausea or indigestion and other possible side effects. I can't drink my beloved morning coffee any more because of the weird, bitter taste.

 With every good day I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  I realize  these good days are precious. I think about the old me BC, before cancer. I took so much for granted. I suppose that is human nature. I also think about people I know who suffer with chronic pain. My heart goes out to them.

I am also filled with gratitude from the kind words, emails phone calls, being put on healing lists and special gifts I have been receiving. The other day I got a surprise basket from my sister in law Judy and brother Nate and their children from LA. Every item was handpicked just for me like a tall cup perfect for holding the ice water I drink constantly and yummy bath salts. Elana, my youngest daughter, sent me the latest Barbra Streisand album. Devora in Israel sent a whole care package with everything from a journal to special mud to soak my feet. My son in laws have me hooked up with pot and a state of the art vaporizer in case I want to go that route! 

Laurie created Team Savta and ordered special red teeshirts. I have been getting emails from my son in law Andy's incredible family posing in the red Team Savta teeshirts.

My sister in law Maurine in Ashland tells me she thinks of me every day. My sister Linda and cousin Roz keep me laughing and call me more than once a day.

So yes, it is gratitude and it fills me up way more than the chemo. I'm ready for treatment #2. Bring it on!

Today I got an email from a friend in Israel who said, my blog about losing my wallet may have  had unintended consequences." It made me think. What a perfect phrase. This whole cancer experience is a series of "unintended consequences."

Gamar hatima Tovah, may you be listed in the Book of Life.